went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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