After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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