Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
