Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
