Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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