my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
