when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
