Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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