yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
