i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
