Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
