Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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