Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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