They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
