Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
