Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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