So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
