Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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