Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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