i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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