those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
