Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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