omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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