my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
