in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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