I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
