Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
