I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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