Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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