I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.