she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.