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Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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