Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.