why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?