if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
