If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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