I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
