I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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