i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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