I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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