woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
