You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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