The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
