last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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