why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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