so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
