I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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