no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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