and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
