Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
