I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
