I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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