wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
