i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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