Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
