Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
