....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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