Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
