two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize