I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
