a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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