Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
