i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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