you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
