he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
