have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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