he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
