there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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