I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
